Vacay.

I’m on winter break until the first week of January as of today.  That is, as of the moment my group partner so graciously submitted our research project on ketogenic diets and Ironman competitors.

To be honest, it hasn’t sunk in yet that I have no responsibilities of the academic kind.

Just think, in exactly ONE YEAR I will be really done.  I can’t even imagine.

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The Truth.

A while back I was all into those Shakeology shakes.  I won’t lie.  They really were awesome, especially from a convenience standpoint.  However, I can’t say I was any healthier then compared to now because it’s just as easy for me to eat those “phytonutrients”  throughout the day the old fashioned way by preparing real meals.  My husband, on the other hand, is usually too “on the go” in the mornings because of his job so he likely benefited more from it.

But we had to give it up because it was getting too expensive.  I could no longer justify spending $200+ a month on that kind of convenience even though I would often opt for the easier choice if I could.  And I also couldn’t justify only allowing myself and my husband to drink these shakes when I knew I should be offering it to my children as well.  But $500+ for “complete nutrition” for the entire family?  It just wasn’t feasible.

A few weeks ago I finally bit the bullet and sold all my camera equipment.  I didn’t do this because they weren’t being used or because I lost my interest in photography.  I actually don’t have the free time to do anything creative because of school deadlines and the challenge of learning dance choreography for one of the classes I still teach at the gym.  But who’s to say I don’t pick up the camera for school dances and band concerts and other milestones.  I still do.  Or at least I did.

Let’s face it.  Until I finish grad school and start working full time, it’s slim pickins here.  It always has been, but lately I’ve been feeling the stress of it even more for a number of unfortunate events that I can’t discuss openly.

I wonder sometimes if I need to be more honest and open about my financial situation.  I hear people complain about being broke and not being able to afford things when I really don’t think they know how stressful it is to have financial insecurity or the uncertainty of finding gainful employment, all the while trying to keep an entire household afloat.  Precarious doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel about money, although I think pride keeps me from talking about it.

I guess I am thinking about this now when I should be sleeping because a random person popped into my head today.  I remember when I realized she had blocked me on Facebook though now I can’t recall how long ago this was.  Last summer?  Last spring?  Who knows.  I’m guessing she did this because she didn’t appreciate my lack of support for her “business” which involves the promotion and selling of Shakeology and other Beachbody products.  I think I got too much into the “Public Health” mindset while learning about people who are truly struggling to make ends meet.  A $130/month/person nutrition supplement just seemed frivolous to me, even more so when I learned there was nothing more nutritionally magical about it than a salad.

But considering where I was financially, it truly was frivolous.  Perhaps I should have just told her, point blank:  Look, I can’t buy this product because that is money that needs to be spent on basic needs, like food, clothing, and gas for my car.  I guess at this point it doesn’t matter any longer and the fact that I’m giving her this much thought at 1:30 in the morning probably means that I actually did care about our friendship a little.  It’s sad to think that even if I was more open about my financial situation, she probably wouldn’t  have given me the empathy that one would expect from a friend.  Especially one who constantly promotes herself to be super helpful and caring and all about empowering women.

Ah… but of course for people like her, such things are only for those who share the same agenda.  And I will end this with a note to self of what NOT to do when someone disagrees with me, challenges my beliefs, or just flat out tells me I am wrong.  Maybe there is an underlying reason why this person feels this way that has nothing to do with me.   Remember that.